1. UGGGGHHH I’m so tired. Why did I have to stay up so late watching Conan/taking BuzzFeed quizzes/jerking off to porn?
2. Seriously, I’m like the walking dead. Except less attractive. And more dead.
3. What would happen if I called in sick?
4. Would everyone know I’m faking it?
5. I’ll have to feign a cough when I go in tomorrow.
6. Who am I kidding? My acting skills are worse than Ashton Kutcher’s.
7. Fine, let’s do this.
8. Caroline better have ordered the Dark Roast Keurig cups.
9. If any morning people try to get chatty with me before 11 a.m., they lose an eye.
10. Yikes, I’m late. I hope my boss doesn’t walk by my desk.
11. Wait, did I have an 8 a.m. meeting?
12. Do I have time to stop at Starbucks?
13. Will it look bad if I walk in…
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