As the days go by, the weather seems to match my mood; dreary and somber.
And as I sit here and type this post for you, “Wait for Me” by Kings of Leon sings to me through my speakers. I am not usually a moody and sad person, but I can’t help it. When you are “letting someone go” it never seems easy; it’s hard to say goodbye to the person you love dearly.
I’m not necessarily losing someone to a death, but it feels like it. In order for myself to heal and move on from my past, my assignment is to “let go”. Letting go of the past and the feelings I have towards it. I have been through the motions for the past month and it is getting somewhat easier as the days go by. But there are days like today where I sit at my desk, look out my window as I watch the rain drops splash against the glass and slide down. And while I watch, I cant help but notice that I too have water falling at the same pace and staining my Grateful Dead shirt.
As I have been told this is not an easy thing to go through. Its hard as hell to feel the different moods and act as if you are completely normal. But then again what is normal? I am an expert at putting on the mask to strangers I pass and coworkers I talk to, but I know people can see past it. I have help through family and friends while I go through the grieving process and I am grateful for the help and support. But I can’t help wonder if I will ever get past the mood swings. Will I ever be happy again and go on as if what I went through is just another day? I am no where near the end of the healing process, but I cant help wonder when this will be over. I have never been a person to fit into a crowd. I fight and move my way through the motions and let them pass in a healthy way and hope for the best and survive. That is all one can do right?