As I walked through the woods the other day, I ended up getting lost. Lost in the direction towards the car and lost in my own thoughts. As I got further to an unknown place, so did my thoughts. At times I even blanked out to what I was doing at the moment. I stopped my tracks right where I was and let my thoughts succumb my whole being like I had been searching for. At times I could hear the peaceful songs from the birds and then back to my nagging thoughts. I could think clearly with a different setting and really figure out how to deal as a normal human being. I dragged my feet deeper into the trail, tripping a couple of times being lost to unknown universe and then knocked back into reality. How can we cope with our problems and set them free without waking the demon? Simple, you walk yourself crazy and then get lost-no pun intended. Finally when I had enough of being trapped between myself and the never ending dirt filled road, I set myself on a path of determination of getting home. It took about 42 minutes to find reality. I walked through the door and turned to my good and dear friend, Sex and the City. All I wanted that night was a distraction and I got it.
The next day, I made time to call my sister. No answer of course; work must be kicking her ass. I try and find time to keep in touch as much as possible even if I don’t get anywhere.. I find a seat at the campus library with Joe and Belvita. Wirth a new day and events, I tend to take my mornings slow and cautious. With a deep breath and clear mind, I make my way outside for a cigarette. Can our thoughts ruin our being? An over thinker like myself gets into a lot of trouble when we tend to answer our own questions. I have learned you don’t know till you ask.
As the day wears on, I find myself on my bed, over thinking like I usually do. And I have come to a conclusion: Life goes on. The best way to beat an over thinker is to give them a question to their answer for their own question. Make me think logically and give me an answer to my own answer.
As the days go by, the weather seems to match my mood; dreary and somber.
And as I sit here and type this post for you, “Wait for Me” by Kings of Leon sings to me through my speakers. I am not usually a moody and sad person, but I can’t help it. When you are “letting someone go” it never seems easy; it’s hard to say goodbye to the person you love dearly.
I’m not necessarily losing someone to a death, but it feels like it. In order for myself to heal and move on from my past, my assignment is to “let go”. Letting go of the past and the feelings I have towards it. I have been through the motions for the past month and it is getting somewhat easier as the days go by. But there are days like today where I sit at my desk, look out my window as I watch the rain drops splash against the glass and slide down. And while I watch, I cant help but notice that I too have water falling at the same pace and staining my Grateful Dead shirt.
As I have been told this is not an easy thing to go through. Its hard as hell to feel the different moods and act as if you are completely normal. But then again what is normal? I am an expert at putting on the mask to strangers I pass and coworkers I talk to, but I know people can see past it. I have help through family and friends while I go through the grieving process and I am grateful for the help and support. But I can’t help wonder if I will ever get past the mood swings. Will I ever be happy again and go on as if what I went through is just another day? I am no where near the end of the healing process, but I cant help wonder when this will be over. I have never been a person to fit into a crowd. I fight and move my way through the motions and let them pass in a healthy way and hope for the best and survive. That is all one can do right?
Last day of this blog anniversary week and what I will presenting today is a mash up with one my favourite chocolate brand. Several months ago I found this chocolate that I haven’t tried for more than a decade, I was so excited when I saw it I bought a big can for me to enjoy. That was a lot and after several days and half a can of chocolates I was wondering how would I finish all of them? Do I devour them bit by bit? If I do so I might so get used to it I might end up not liking it anymore so instead of doing that I used it as an ingredient.
I was first thinking of cheesecake? But how would I represent the flavour of this chocolate in a cheesecake? How about an ice cream? Well I think chopped almonds will be a…
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There is a fairly large Italian community in Stuttgart. Before I left to come back to Sens, we discovered a great supermarket with Italian imports, butcher and traiteur. The sausages, that I was smart enough to bring to Sens for the freezer, are made on site with a choice of sweet or hot. We chose the hot.
The thing about peppers, onions and garlic is, if you are vegetarian, you can just put them in a bun/baguette and eat them without the sausages and the sandwich will still be good. I tried it, just so I could tell you about it and also because I wanted to 😉
I think New York State/New Jersey has the best traditional, unadulterated Italian food I’ve ever tasted outside of Italy and you can find it in both modest and upscale restaurants. There used to be a fantastic diner/cafe in Monticello, New York, everything cooked…
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I might get myself into a heap a shit today with the some of you this morning, BUT! Just another routine day at the office…
Today it’s time to do some ball-busting, and those cheeseball inspirational posters that everybody plasters all over their social media pages are due for a call-out. You know what I’m talking about, right? Those really sappy quote posters about “climbing to the top of the summit and blah blah blah..” and “You’ll never know what you had until you blah blah blah…”
The only thing this inspires me to do is stick my finger down my throat and tickle that hangy-down thingy until I throw up…
There is a subliminal message in each of these too, and I’m pretty confident that I’ve cracked the code. I think. So grab your Friday Java, and make sure you don’t drink any of it while you’re reading this list, because…
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